I've been where you are now Georgina. Last July my husband went for two weeks' respite at a local care home and while he was there they suggested he stay permanently. I new I was on the verge of collapse but it was still a shock to find we had arrived at this point. My hubby actually came home after the respite as we had a short holiday booked and they kept the room for him till we got back. I think the home could see that my husband would be good fit for them and their other residents and he had been happy during his respite there. 9 months on I know it was the right decision even though I am still coming to terms with it all. I was lucky, my husband had some understanding of his cognitive impairment, as he calls it, and agreed to go. We said we would take it a day at a time because I needed a rest so no mention was made at first of it being permanent. I hope you can get your husband to go on Monday without too much upset. It is the right decision and isn't a betrayal at all. You are doing your best for your husband and yourself.
What a hard decision for you. I also felt I was betraying my mother as I toured memory care communities while she was at a dementia respite program. I wonder what I will say to her when the time comes to move her there. All the best to you and James, Georgina.
It really is a horrible sad feeling to make that decision. I'm sure you've agonised over this day for some time but you just know when the time is right. When I had to take my parents into carehome together on same day, I was left to do this job by my brother and sister! I packed nothing. Just took them. Stayed for a while till could see they were settle and then went back to collect some clothes, and toiletries. Dad was recovering from cataract op so I said he was going till he was recovered.. and thankfully Mum was happy to go. It does feel terrible but we are only human too and if you collapse then he'd have no choice anyway. Like this, you'll become his wife again.. as someone else will be doing all the physical care from now on. I hope he settles in well. You'll need a little break yourself after this. Please look after yourself because your "care" hasn't ended because he's in care.. it'll just be a different type of care.. Sending much love and hugs ❤️
That is very kind Alan…like everyone else in the same boat, I am muddling through…
The beauty of your writing and of your soul, as ever, shows the stars sparkling in the dark.
A way for some, if they need one, and soothing for many others, grateful for such lovely reflections.
Certainly I'm extremely grateful and soothed, recovering from my own similar experiences.
And so we grow.
Infinite love to you both; because it is.
Alan
I've been where you are now Georgina. Last July my husband went for two weeks' respite at a local care home and while he was there they suggested he stay permanently. I new I was on the verge of collapse but it was still a shock to find we had arrived at this point. My hubby actually came home after the respite as we had a short holiday booked and they kept the room for him till we got back. I think the home could see that my husband would be good fit for them and their other residents and he had been happy during his respite there. 9 months on I know it was the right decision even though I am still coming to terms with it all. I was lucky, my husband had some understanding of his cognitive impairment, as he calls it, and agreed to go. We said we would take it a day at a time because I needed a rest so no mention was made at first of it being permanent. I hope you can get your husband to go on Monday without too much upset. It is the right decision and isn't a betrayal at all. You are doing your best for your husband and yourself.
Bless you both....the hardest decision I'm certain. I'm in a similar position and it breaks my heart.
Hugs for you and James. I know it has to be such a hard decision, but I have no doubt it is the right one.
What a hard decision for you. I also felt I was betraying my mother as I toured memory care communities while she was at a dementia respite program. I wonder what I will say to her when the time comes to move her there. All the best to you and James, Georgina.
I feel for you but you need to take care of yourself to be able to oversee his future care. 🫂
It really is a horrible sad feeling to make that decision. I'm sure you've agonised over this day for some time but you just know when the time is right. When I had to take my parents into carehome together on same day, I was left to do this job by my brother and sister! I packed nothing. Just took them. Stayed for a while till could see they were settle and then went back to collect some clothes, and toiletries. Dad was recovering from cataract op so I said he was going till he was recovered.. and thankfully Mum was happy to go. It does feel terrible but we are only human too and if you collapse then he'd have no choice anyway. Like this, you'll become his wife again.. as someone else will be doing all the physical care from now on. I hope he settles in well. You'll need a little break yourself after this. Please look after yourself because your "care" hasn't ended because he's in care.. it'll just be a different type of care.. Sending much love and hugs ❤️